Middle-age Maverick Gifts

'You know you're 40 when...'

"Honestly, Paula, I don't know what I'd do without our daily keggers."

Gene Therapy

"It's time we discuss menopause and climax change."

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

"Their bookshelves look more convincingly read from than ours."

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

"My name is Jane and I've been forty-six for 30 days."

"Norman still has seventies flashbacks sometimes."

Hot flashes

"I signed up for 'Dressage Without the Horse.'"

Luke Warm & Over E-Z: The World's Blandest Rappers.

Conformity

"When you talked me into eternal life, you left out the part about menopause."

"Good news, we found a plant the cured baldness."

'Ever since this 'evolution' thing started, I've been doing a lot of soul-searching.'

Don't sweat the small stuff

Dad Socks / Dad Sex

"I'm going to get my old dog, get an old pickup, a double-barrelled shotgun, get my old pink cotton print dress, and get back on Route 66!"

'No batteries needed, but you have to be menopausal to make them work.'

"You're not losing your hair Dad, it's right here in your comb."

'I'm not that concerned about my prostate ... I'm still trying to survive my wife's menopause.'

Live: Middle Aged Men

'She says she's 40 but she's forgotten to add on the V.A.T.!'

"I'm not kidding, Phil! You really ARE the poster child for middle-aged, disillusioned and down-hearted businessmen everywhere!"

Middle-Aged Punk...

"I'd like to have money for a sports car, a surf course in the Maldives, and for my divorce!"

'Now, why did I cross over here?' Middle-aged Chicken.

Life Begins at 40

Tarzan's mid-life crisis.

'You can always spot the ones having a mid-life crisis.'

"Of course 40 is the new 39."

A former ranch hand, Dr. Durmley liked to show off his ability to rope and extract a tooth.'

You say you had a misspent youth? Yeah, and I'm doing my middle age on credit.