Aging Philosopher Gifts

"Seventy-five isn't the new anything."

Glass/Cans/Geriatrics.

Bernard Baruch: 'To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am.'

'Good news. Forty is the new twelve.'

'Their average age is younger than you. Happy Birthday.'

A long way towards retirement...

Balding Autumn Tree.

'Hasn't anyone ever been cured of natural causes?'

'Growing old is like being continually punished for a crime you never committed...'

Saguaro Cactus Regrets.

"I hope I age as well as you, Dad. Except for the neck."

"What's it like being old?"

"He's all red, white and blue - vitamins, aspirin and Viagra."

"The older I get, the older 'Old' gets."

"He's just disocovered that he's too old to apply for a 'Pay for your funeral early' insurance."

"Relax, at your age it's perfectly natural to make groaning noises every time you move a body part."

"So if seventy is the new sixty... when is the new 'dead?'"

"Maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for you."

'I use to call this my 'Wedding' suit but now that our friends are getting older, I call it my 'Funeral' suit!'

'Well, you know what the say...near death is the new 80.'

Clancy Strip: Fear of Growing Old

'I wish I could look just like Elvis.'

"Jim's a bit down, he's realised he's too old to be a whiz-kid."

'Edward turned on the bathroom light only to find his father staring back at him.'

"Edmond is at that awkward age – too old to be a 'rising star', too young to be 'one of a dying breed.'"

Potholes on the highway of life have caused some premature wear and tear on your chasis.

I imagine at your age, you attend a lot of funerals, Sadie. Oh, yes, they're quite lovely. As a child, I attended birthday parties. As a lass, I attended sweet sixteens. As a young adult, I attended weddings. As a mature woman, I attended retirement parties. Now, in the twilight of life, I attend funerals. "Deathday" parties, if you will. And it's beautiful. Because it's all come full circle? Because for once, I don't have to buy the %$&@ a gift.

"Apparently, 60 is the new dead."

Grim Reaper Santa

Mall of ages

"Nathan just realized that he's fast approaching he 47th anniversary of his bar mitzvah."

"The senior moments don't freak me out as much as the 'Death in Venice' moments."

"Actually, I'm pretty sure aging naturally and aging gracefully are mutually exclusive."

Corporate departments as a metaphor for growing up.

"Colin kept the bar fairly low."