Philosopher On Aging Gifts

"You won't be needing this anti-aging cream."

Saguaro Cactus Regrets.

"I won't have anything to worry about when I grow up."

'Any chance of me being recycled Doc?'

" It was a jungle out there, but I quite liked it."

"Birth, bed, bath, beer, bankruptcy, bifocals, balding and beyond."

"Actually, I'm pretty sure aging naturally and aging gracefully are mutually exclusive."

Mall of ages

"This birthday qualified him to be tapped as a fossil fuel reserve."

'I try to avoid the trap of letting my idleness define me.'

Balding Autumn Tree.

"It's a coming of old age story."

"Seventy-five isn't the new anything."

'What superpower would I like? Normally, invisibility, but as I'm a 53 year old female, I feel that I've already been granted it.'

"So, Ms. Mayfly. Where do you see yourself in five years?"

'I wish I could look just like Elvis.'

School of hard knocks: Mail box 'Knock-knock jokes'

'How optimistic are you about the future?'

"Since you retired, you've gone to pieces!"

'Well, you know what the say...near death is the new 80.'

Dr. Ernie answers your questions about aging. A reader asks, "Dear Dr. Ernie, what will deteriorate fastest as I get older?" Medicare.

"If I were a dog I'd only be 11."

"I hope I age as well as you, Dad. Except for the neck."

Glass/Cans/Geriatrics.

"The senior moments don't freak me out as much as the 'Death in Venice' moments."

"Maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for you."

"Relax, at your age it's perfectly natural to make groaning noises every time you move a body part."

"Apparently, 60 is the new dead."

'I'm middle aged.' 'You'll grow out of it!'

'Edward turned on the bathroom light only to find his father staring back at him.'

A long way towards retirement...

How do medicines work? They don't! All they do is give God time to heal the body!

"He's all red, white and blue - vitamins, aspirin and Viagra."

"at my age I have to wonder if it's indigestion or a heart attack." (two old men discussing aging and medical concerns)

'Hasn't anyone ever been cured of natural causes?'