Philosopher Of Aging Gifts

Life's toughest decision-when to start middle age.

Corporate departments as a metaphor for growing up.

Saguaro Cactus Regrets.

'Take a good look, Junior. When I was your age, I was 'Fun Size,' too.'

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

'Any chance of me being recycled Doc?'

" It was a jungle out there, but I quite liked it."

Midlife: You Are Here.

"Birth, bed, bath, beer, bankruptcy, bifocals, balding and beyond."

"Actually, I'm pretty sure aging naturally and aging gracefully are mutually exclusive."

Mall of ages

"It's a coming of old age story."

Balding Autumn Tree.

"This birthday qualified him to be tapped as a fossil fuel reserve."

'I try to avoid the trap of letting my idleness define me.'

"It seems like only yesterday I was on the verge of getting it all together."

"Seventy-five isn't the new anything."

Phil at Fifty: Still Trying to Find Himself

'What superpower would I like? Normally, invisibility, but as I'm a 53 year old female, I feel that I've already been granted it.'

'I wish I could look just like Elvis.'

"So, Ms. Mayfly. Where do you see yourself in five years?"

'How optimistic are you about the future?'

"Since you retired, you've gone to pieces!"

Dr. Ernie answers your questions about aging. A reader asks, "Dear Dr. Ernie, what will deteriorate fastest as I get older?" Medicare.

"I hope I age as well as you, Dad. Except for the neck."

'Well, you know what the say...near death is the new 80.'

"If I were a dog I'd only be 11."

Glass/Cans/Geriatrics.

A long way towards retirement...

"What's wrong with your dad?"

'I'm middle aged.' 'You'll grow out of it!'

"You've hit the age where your broad mind and narrow waist are turning into your narrow mind and broad waist."

"Relax, at your age it's perfectly natural to make groaning noises every time you move a body part."

'Edward turned on the bathroom light only to find his father staring back at him.'

"Sometimes, on a day like this, I can just catch the faintest smell of youth."