Aging Gracefully Philosopher Gifts

Coping with middle age.

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Your contents have shifted."

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

"We're just going to have to face the fact that you're not a puppy anymore!"

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

An old man exercising with hourglasses

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

Saguaro Cactus Regrets.

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

Signs of Aging: Light headedness, shortening, waxy skin, burn out and hot flashes.

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"We REALLY do get better with age."

Parts Department

"At our age we should be moisturizing." "Honey, we started years ago... with our lips."

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."

"As the years go by, and my hair recedes, I comb my parting with such sweet sorrow."

"Your records indicate a great deal of early promise however you've apparently become old and bald."

"Sitting on a beanbag doesn't take me back to the seventies- it just makes me wonder how I'm ever going to get up again."

"Went with the hair plugs I see."

Aging Problems

'I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes now.'

'I can't believe I'm pretending to be 55 already...'

'You've a slipped disc in your back and a slipped everything in your front.'

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

"You're right, they are statins."

"I come from the future."

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'