Aging Philosophers Gifts

'Is it just me or do birthdays seem to come round much quicker now?'

"Everything was going great until the day I turned forty. Then my face just seemed to cave in."

Corporate departments as a metaphor for growing up.

"Colin kept the bar fairly low."

"I'm here for the hair."

Saguaro Cactus Regrets.

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

'Take a good look, Junior. When I was your age, I was 'Fun Size,' too.'

"Don't think of this birthday as you're getting older. Think of it as being one day closer to irritable bowel syndrome."

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

Midlife: You Are Here.

"I know I'm going to get older - but how much?"

"Birth, bed, bath, beer, bankruptcy, bifocals, balding and beyond."

Balding Autumn Tree.

"Do you know the biggest thing I've learned in my thirty nine years?"

Mall of ages

Realizing that his youth was now behind him, Mr. Twigly left home at the sight of his first gray hare.

"Actually, I'm pretty sure aging naturally and aging gracefully are mutually exclusive."

"This birthday qualified him to be tapped as a fossil fuel reserve."

"Date of birth?" "1989." "In 1989 I couldn't make ice... still can't." "Good lord, she could be my daughter! I'm so #!@* old." "That's the year my wife left me. Now I have a cold and I'm depressed!"

'I try to avoid the trap of letting my idleness define me.'

"It's a coming of old age story."

"It seems like only yesterday I was on the verge of getting it all together."

"Seventy-five isn't the new anything."

'What superpower would I like? Normally, invisibility, but as I'm a 53 year old female, I feel that I've already been granted it.'

Phil at Fifty: Still Trying to Find Himself

"Look at it this way - the more birthdays you have, the longer you live!"

"Who knew a lifeless box could spread such fear? It came from the mailbox."

"So, Ms. Mayfly. Where do you see yourself in five years?"

'But my mom says that 40 is the new 30.'

'My doctor didn't have enough replacement parts, so I'm just getting by on two cylinders.'

'I wish I could look just like Elvis.'

Happy Birthday!

"If I were a dog I'd only be 11."

The march of time, "Have you noticed how all the umpires seem to be getting younger"