Age Philosophers Gifts

"...You don't look a day over 50 million!"

If fifty is the new seventy, when is the new dead?

An old man and young man who are mirror images of each other pass on a street

Bill and his pet tortoise

If you're as old as you feel, how come I can't get Medicare

"You know, we're not getting any younger...I mean, pretty soon, we'll both be 16."

I always think of old age as ten years older than I am.

"On the bright side, you are embracing aging magnificently."

A huge, mind-boggling number.

"According to mom the answers are all in this book!" "Too bad there's no pictures at which to look!"

'When I grow up, I'm either going to be an authority figure or an unimpeachable source.'

"Could I ask just one question?"

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

"I feel I've outgrown this facility, Mrs. Thompson. Could we see what else is around?"

"If wisdom comes with age, what are we doing here at eight and a half?"

'Before we start, I'd like legal representation.'

Saguaro Cactus Regrets.

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

'How much stuff can I get away with and still go to heaven?'

"I'm here for the hair."

Philosopher trading cards.

'After you grade my report, may I have my intellectual property back?'

'Yeah, bit how does the stork get into the maternity room?'

"If everything is God's will, tell me again why I need to study for exams?"

"Don't think of this birthday as you're getting older. Think of it as being one day closer to irritable bowel syndrome."

"Daddy, instead of the princess story tonight, can you explain how and why manifest destiny eliminated the American Indians?"

"Nicole’s parents celebrated her curious mind, even in those moments when it really depressed them."

Young Galileo

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

"I know I'm going to get older - but how much?"

Sex Education

'He's into Proust as only a child can be.'

"It's one thing for the National Commission to comment on the quality of teaching in our schools. It's another thing entirely for you to stand up and call Mr. Costello a yo-yo."

'Grownups are stupid! How can you be good and have fun?'

"Birth, bed, bath, beer, bankruptcy, bifocals, balding and beyond."