Old Age Philosopher Gifts

"I like you a whole lot better when you was alive."

Sometimes he just stood back and admired the breathtaking scenery of his life.

Corporate departments as a metaphor for growing up.

"Colin kept the bar fairly low."

"I'm here for the hair."

Saguaro Cactus Regrets.

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

"Don't think of this birthday as you're getting older. Think of it as being one day closer to irritable bowel syndrome."

'Take a good look, Junior. When I was your age, I was 'Fun Size,' too.'

Midlife: You Are Here.

"I know I'm going to get older - but how much?"

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

"Birth, bed, bath, beer, bankruptcy, bifocals, balding and beyond."

"Do you know the biggest thing I've learned in my thirty nine years?"

Balding Autumn Tree.

Realizing that his youth was now behind him, Mr. Twigly left home at the sight of his first gray hare.

"Actually, I'm pretty sure aging naturally and aging gracefully are mutually exclusive."

'I try to avoid the trap of letting my idleness define me.'

"It seems like only yesterday I was on the verge of getting it all together."

"It's a coming of old age story."

"This birthday qualified him to be tapped as a fossil fuel reserve."

Mall of ages

"Date of birth?" "1989." "In 1989 I couldn't make ice... still can't." "Good lord, she could be my daughter! I'm so #!@* old." "That's the year my wife left me. Now I have a cold and I'm depressed!"

"Seventy-five isn't the new anything."

'What superpower would I like? Normally, invisibility, but as I'm a 53 year old female, I feel that I've already been granted it.'

Phil at Fifty: Still Trying to Find Himself

"Look at it this way - the more birthdays you have, the longer you live!"

"So, Ms. Mayfly. Where do you see yourself in five years?"

'I wish I could look just like Elvis.'

'But my mom says that 40 is the new 30.'

'My doctor didn't have enough replacement parts, so I'm just getting by on two cylinders.'

"Who knew a lifeless box could spread such fear? It came from the mailbox."

Happy Birthday!

"If I were a dog I'd only be 11."

The march of time, "Have you noticed how all the umpires seem to be getting younger"