Longevity Ponderers Gifts

"See, the problem with doing things to prolong your life is that all the extra years come at the end, when you're old."

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

"I'm learning to live with existence."

'I hope you ain't got no tax up here!'

Ten Commandments

"Hello - I'm from the future..."

"WOW, we're on top of the world!"

'As I recall you were the one who told him that he couldn't take it with him.'

"Only one of my lives was a bowl of cherries."

'I've used up all my eligibilities'

"If we take a late retirement and an early death, we'll just squeak by."

"Great, now we're lost."

"The industry has agreed to take the pensions dashboard off our hands. . ."

NOT COVID-RELATED tombstone

"Imagine There's No Heaven. It's Easy If You Try..."

"The pension crisis prompted me to consider alternative invstments. Like Roulette."

Off to a bad start.

'I'd prefer it if the view was closer.'

"I just don't know what to do with myself in that long stretch after college but before social security."

'I tell ya Frank, if we find one of these babies big enough, we could live forever!'

'Hello, my name is Death'

"You know, Mother, they say dead is the new 80."

"The arc of the moral universe."

"I don't get this whole age thing...I waited all year to turn nine, but now I don't feel any older!"

"I burden you with the national debt, you burden your kids with it, and so on. . ."

Jealousy

Made It! Without getting one tattoo.

"There was a bright light and then a voice said: 'our menu has changed'."

"I was in purgatory only briefly and they've been sending me email newsletters ever since."

"The last thing I remember is hearing the doctor say oops!"

"Nobody wants to hear our stories about death from natural causes."

'You know what I really miss? -- living dangerously.'

'The rot set in when I started doing these things in my own image - my early stuff was better.'