Longevity Ponderers Gifts

"See, the problem with doing things to prolong your life is that all the extra years come at the end, when you're old."

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

"I'm learning to live with existence."

'I hope you ain't got no tax up here!'

Ten Commandments

"WOW, we're on top of the world!"

"Hello - I'm from the future..."

'As I recall you were the one who told him that he couldn't take it with him.'

'I've used up all my eligibilities'

"Only one of my lives was a bowl of cherries."

"If we take a late retirement and an early death, we'll just squeak by."

NOT COVID-RELATED tombstone

"The industry has agreed to take the pensions dashboard off our hands. . ."

"Great, now we're lost."

"The pension crisis prompted me to consider alternative invstments. Like Roulette."

'I'd prefer it if the view was closer.'

'I tell ya Frank, if we find one of these babies big enough, we could live forever!'

"I just don't know what to do with myself in that long stretch after college but before social security."

"I don't get this whole age thing...I waited all year to turn nine, but now I don't feel any older!"

"The arc of the moral universe."

"You know, Mother, they say dead is the new 80."

'Hello, my name is Death'

Made It! Without getting one tattoo.

"I burden you with the national debt, you burden your kids with it, and so on. . ."

"There was a bright light and then a voice said: 'our menu has changed'."

"The last thing I remember is hearing the doctor say oops!"

"Nobody wants to hear our stories about death from natural causes."

'Have you ever thought that being damned for all eternity to a lake of eternal fire might mask a deeper problem?'

'The rot set in when I started doing these things in my own image - my early stuff was better.'

'You know what I really miss? -- living dangerously.'