Lifespan Ponderer Gifts

'Methuselah is very depressed. The doctor gave him only 85 more years to live.'

'I give you five years but your insurance company gives you one.'

"Poor Rosalinda, she always thinks she's dying."

The Mayfly, who lives from 5 minutes to just a few hours, are touchy about age.

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"Hello - I'm from the future..."

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

'I've used up all my eligibilities'

'Retirement is OK, but instead of looking forword to weekends, I'm working at McDonalds.'

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

NOT COVID-RELATED tombstone

'When 900 years you reach, retire, you will not.'

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

Passing the Pension Time Bomb

Star Trek-the Older Generation. . .

Retirement Issues

I think it's time to retire from boxing. I'm too old for life in the fist lane.

"I'm the ghost of your future retirement."

'I tell ya Frank, if we find one of these babies big enough, we could live forever!'

"I'm basically happy but I'd like a most cost-effective personality."

"The real trick will be enjoying retirement long enough before the Government goes belly up."

'I re-invested what was left of my 401K into returnable pop cans. I figure by the time I retire I should have about three dollars.'

'Hello, my name is Death'

"I don't get this whole age thing...I waited all year to turn nine, but now I don't feel any older!"

"Walter Thruggins, My Life as a Pensions Adviser."

'Sorry I can't pay your pension until I see gray hair. . . Oh yes, and you also get disability.'

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

"You know, Mother, they say dead is the new 80."

"See, the problem with doing things to prolong your life is that all the extra years come at the end, when you're old."

'At last you can put your feet up and concentrate on worrying about your pension.'

"If we want to get across our warnings about the dire consequences of not saving for a future then we need powerful dramatic message!"

'The money you've saved to last through your old age is gone and, h-hh-m...you're still here!'