Lifespan Ponderer Pillows

'Methuselah is very depressed. The doctor gave him only 85 more years to live.'

'I give you five years but your insurance company gives you one.'

"Poor Rosalinda, she always thinks she's dying."

The Mayfly, who lives from 5 minutes to just a few hours, are touchy about age.

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"Hello - I'm from the future..."

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

'I've used up all my eligibilities'

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

NOT COVID-RELATED tombstone

'When 900 years you reach, retire, you will not.'

Passing the Pension Time Bomb

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

Retirement Issues

"I'm the ghost of your future retirement."

"I'm basically happy but I'd like a most cost-effective personality."

'I tell ya Frank, if we find one of these babies big enough, we could live forever!'

'I re-invested what was left of my 401K into returnable pop cans. I figure by the time I retire I should have about three dollars.'

"The real trick will be enjoying retirement long enough before the Government goes belly up."

"Walter Thruggins, My Life as a Pensions Adviser."

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

'Hello, my name is Death'

"I don't get this whole age thing...I waited all year to turn nine, but now I don't feel any older!"

'Sorry I can't pay your pension until I see gray hair. . . Oh yes, and you also get disability.'

"You know, Mother, they say dead is the new 80."

"See, the problem with doing things to prolong your life is that all the extra years come at the end, when you're old."

'At last you can put your feet up and concentrate on worrying about your pension.'

'I'm new here. What type of retirement plan do they offer?'

'The money you've saved to last through your old age is gone and, h-hh-m...you're still here!'

Go Now, Pay Later/Pay Now, Go Later!

"If we want to get across our warnings about the dire consequences of not saving for a future then we need powerful dramatic message!"

'Congratulations. Your old bloated 401K is now valued as a lean, mean 199F!'