Aging Ponderer Pillows

30th Birthday - Doctors aren't like policemen.. they don't grow younger, they just age faster.

"Could someone please explain to me why I'm celebrating the fact that I'm a year older?"

"They say you're only as old as you feel. Behold the oldest woman on the planet."

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

'The organizational structure is pretty simple: We do the work; they take the credit.'

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"Hello - I'm from the future..."

'At least I don't have his life.'

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

'I've used up all my eligibilities'

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

'It's a book, Sweetie - it doesn't have any ram!'

"If you prayed to Google instead of God, you might get a constructive response."

'When 900 years you reach, retire, you will not.'

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

Passing the Pension Time Bomb

After the summer holidays

Retirement Issues

"I'm the ghost of your future retirement."

"I'm basically happy but I'd like a most cost-effective personality."

"When I was a kid there was no internet. If you wanted to bully someone, you had to do it to their face."

'I re-invested what was left of my 401K into returnable pop cans. I figure by the time I retire I should have about three dollars.'

"The real trick will be enjoying retirement long enough before the Government goes belly up."

'Sorry I can't pay your pension until I see gray hair. . . Oh yes, and you also get disability.'

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

"I don't get this whole age thing...I waited all year to turn nine, but now I don't feel any older!"

What's 'Bitcoin'?

"Walter Thruggins, My Life as a Pensions Adviser."

"See, the problem with doing things to prolong your life is that all the extra years come at the end, when you're old."

'The mind-body problem is best expressed in the formulation...OOf!'