Retirement Ponderer Pillows

'When 900 years you reach, retire, you will not.'

The curse of Alzheimer's hits home for old aluminium atoms.

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

'The organizational structure is pretty simple: We do the work; they take the credit.'

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"Hello - I'm from the future..."

'At least I don't have his life.'

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

'I've used up all my eligibilities'

"If we take a late retirement and an early death, we'll just squeak by."

'Where do you see yourself in five minutes?'

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

"She said that she's against combing marriage with a career....so I quit my job."

'I've been thinking about quitting, but it's the only thing that gets me out of the house.'

"The industry has agreed to take the pensions dashboard off our hands. . ."

Passing the Pension Time Bomb

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

"The pension crisis prompted me to consider alternative invstments. Like Roulette."

"I'm the ghost of your future retirement."

Retirement Issues

"The real trick will be enjoying retirement long enough before the Government goes belly up."

'I re-invested what was left of my 401K into returnable pop cans. I figure by the time I retire I should have about three dollars.'

"Congratulations you've escaped. Now what?"

"Walter Thruggins, My Life as a Pensions Adviser."

"I don't get this whole age thing...I waited all year to turn nine, but now I don't feel any older!"

'Sorry I can't pay your pension until I see gray hair. . . Oh yes, and you also get disability.'

"Where do you see yourself in five years?"

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"