Retirement Plan Ponderer Pillows

"Of course annuity rates are enormously fickle..."

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"Hello - I'm from the future..."

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

'Relax, we're letting you go. Your insurance didn't go through.'

"Your insurance just called. They don't cover 'having a bad day.'"

"If we take a late retirement and an early death, we'll just squeak by."

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

"The industry has agreed to take the pensions dashboard off our hands. . ."

'When 900 years you reach, retire, you will not.'

Passing the Pension Time Bomb

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

"The pension crisis prompted me to consider alternative invstments. Like Roulette."

Have you seen my money?

"What's Tim doing on the window ledge?"

'Son, someday you're going to be short all of this.'

"How the hell should I know what I'm looking at? You're lousy insurance doesn't provide HD X-rays."

"I'm the ghost of your future retirement."

Retirement Issues

'I re-invested what was left of my 401K into returnable pop cans. I figure by the time I retire I should have about three dollars.'

"The real trick will be enjoying retirement long enough before the Government goes belly up."

"Walter Thruggins, My Life as a Pensions Adviser."

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

'Sorry I can't pay your pension until I see gray hair. . . Oh yes, and you also get disability.'

"I don't get this whole age thing...I waited all year to turn nine, but now I don't feel any older!"

"Congratulations you've escaped. Now what?"

Common stock, Preferred stock, Private stock.