Pension Plan Ponderer Pillows

"I keep my savings under my mattress. It's the only way I'll ever be able to retire on my money."

"My massive 401(K) retirement savings is going way too slowly."

"There's a worry that if we impose rules on hedge funds they may leave the UK..."

...I just rang to see how your retirement is coming along and to sell you our senior citizens' cover plan

Why don't I ever bring my boss home for dinner?.. You want me to blow my pension?'

"What is holding the government back from lifting pensions?"

"So, has Grandpa's 'longevity pay' kicked in?"

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"We may have to rob from the rich AND the poor."

'You keep outliving your old-age retirement savings!'

401K

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

"Your insurance just called. They don't cover 'having a bad day.'"

'Relax, we're letting you go. Your insurance didn't go through.'

"If we take a late retirement and an early death, we'll just squeak by."

"Grandpa, tell us again about pensions!"

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

'Retirement is OK, but instead of looking forword to weekends, I'm working at McDonalds.'

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

RRSP once stood for Registered Retirement Savings Plan, now stands for Really, Really Small Potatoes!

'So far you have enough to smell a rose or two, but not enough to come to a complete stop and smell the roses.'

Someone loses his pension.

"The industry has agreed to take the pensions dashboard off our hands. . ."

If you can't afford the milk you drink, there are options. I can put you on a payment plan. Minimal APR since you're such a valued customer. Valued?! You hardly treat me like I'm valued, you miser! YOU TREAT ME WITH CONTEMPT! Good point. Maximum APR, then.

'When 900 years you reach, retire, you will not.'

Passing the Pension Time Bomb

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

"The pension crisis prompted me to consider alternative invstments. Like Roulette."

Star Trek-the Older Generation. . .

Have you seen my money?

"I'm the ghost of your future retirement."