Retirement Ponderers Pillows

"He's retired, which means too much husband and not enough money."

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

"Hello - I'm from the future..."

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

"If we take a late retirement and an early death, we'll just squeak by."

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

"The industry has agreed to take the pensions dashboard off our hands. . ."

'When 900 years you reach, retire, you will not.'

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

Passing the Pension Time Bomb

"The pension crisis prompted me to consider alternative invstments. Like Roulette."

"I'm the ghost of your future retirement."

Retirement Issues

'I re-invested what was left of my 401K into returnable pop cans. I figure by the time I retire I should have about three dollars.'

"The real trick will be enjoying retirement long enough before the Government goes belly up."

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

"Walter Thruggins, My Life as a Pensions Adviser."

"I don't get this whole age thing...I waited all year to turn nine, but now I don't feel any older!"

After working 80 hours a week for 30 years, Raymond was struggling to adjust to retirement.

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

'Sorry I can't pay your pension until I see gray hair. . . Oh yes, and you also get disability.'

"See, the problem with doing things to prolong your life is that all the extra years come at the end, when you're old."

'When will it be o.k. to feel irrationally exuberant again?'

"I keep my savings under my mattress. It's the only way I'll ever be able to retire on my money."

'At last you can put your feet up and concentrate on worrying about your pension.'

'The mind-body problem is best expressed in the formulation...OOf!'

'The money you've saved to last through your old age is gone and, h-hh-m...you're still here!'

"Freeze! We're taking a look at your additives, preservatives, artificial coloring..."

'I'm new here. What type of retirement plan do they offer?'