Pension Ponderers Pillows

'I'm just saying, if our income is 'fixed', how come we're 'broke'?'

"If we take a late retirement and an early death, we'll just squeak by."

"What about our pension plan?"

"As requested, we're going to go over you retirement fund, so, if at all possible, let's hold questions until I have finished and I'm out in the parking lot starting my car."

"The pension crisis prompted me to consider alternative invstments. Like Roulette."

'It's called SOCIAL security, but I don't have an extra dime to go anywhere or do anything.'

NHS Tax Bill

"This option in the pension is a little tricky. You can start collecting benefits when you're 58 years old, as long as you look 58 years old."

'Can't we raise the baby, and then make him pay for our Social Security?'

'I asked why my Social Security check was late, and they transferred me to a number in Beijing.'

Social Security benefits are rising...But the system's runnin out of bread.

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

'According to this bank statement, you can stop worrying. We're out of money to run out of.'

"If you're worried about your retirement account, Ms. Mulvany, just read the crawl."

"It used to be called pensions."

"The industry has agreed to take the pensions dashboard off our hands. . ."

The Jeopardy of Progress

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

'There must be some way we can capitalize on that damn boson.'

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

'When 900 years you reach, retire, you will not.'

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

Passing the Pension Time Bomb

Retirement Issues

Karine Jean-Pierre

"Give it to me straight, doc. Will I outlive social security and medicare?"

"I'm the ghost of your future retirement."

"What's so galling is that you don't even realize how Earthist you are."

"The real trick will be enjoying retirement long enough before the Government goes belly up."

'I re-invested what was left of my 401K into returnable pop cans. I figure by the time I retire I should have about three dollars.'

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"