Insurance Ponderer Pillows

'I'm just a struggling actor. Your insurance policy doesn't cover a real doctor.'

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

"All I take anymore is mushrooms for my anxiety, ketamine for my depression, and ibuprofen for the goblins constantly eating my feet."

'Relax, we're letting you go. Your insurance didn't go through.'

"Your insurance just called. They don't cover 'having a bad day.'"

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

"Of course it's only prediction, we can't guarantee anything."

'In other words, statistics prove that statisticians aren't always right.'

Passing the Pension Time Bomb

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

"How the hell should I know what I'm looking at? You're lousy insurance doesn't provide HD X-rays."

"I see you coming into money, at least 50p for a cup of tea."

"I'm the ghost of your future retirement."

Retirement Issues

'Jerry, The Hermans take the same pharmaceuticals we do!'

'I re-invested what was left of my 401K into returnable pop cans. I figure by the time I retire I should have about three dollars.'

'No, I'm not into astronomy. That telescope is for you to see your new parking spot.'

"The real trick will be enjoying retirement long enough before the Government goes belly up."

"Walter Thruggins, My Life as a Pensions Adviser."

"I'll have to cance your appointment for next Friday. I'm going to be sick in bed with the flu."

'Sorry I can't pay your pension until I see gray hair. . . Oh yes, and you also get disability.'

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

'You have to admire the way Hartley overcame his honesty and integrity to get to the top.'

'I proved that when you start to count your blessings, you find that they're infinite.'

"Hey, way to go! You invented both the disease AND the cure!"

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

'At last you can put your feet up and concentrate on worrying about your pension.'

"I keep my savings under my mattress. It's the only way I'll ever be able to retire on my money."