Pharma Ponderers Pillows

'I quit the medication. It gave me lots of zippity, but took away my doo dah.'

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

"All I take anymore is mushrooms for my anxiety, ketamine for my depression, and ibuprofen for the goblins constantly eating my feet."

"Get another opinion if you wish, Mr. Von Flip...But I'm confident it will still come up ' heads - we operate.'"

"Of course you can't put your finger on it. It's a hypothetical particle."

"If we take a late retirement and an early death, we'll just squeak by."

'There must be some way we can capitalize on that damn boson.'

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

"The industry has agreed to take the pensions dashboard off our hands. . ."

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

Passing the Pension Time Bomb

"The pension crisis prompted me to consider alternative invstments. Like Roulette."

Time, Temp, Today's Neutrino Mass

"I'm the ghost of your future retirement."

Are you aware? The Higgs Boson was thought to exist even through no one had seen it!

'Jerry, The Hermans take the same pharmaceuticals we do!'

Retirement Issues

'I re-invested what was left of my 401K into returnable pop cans. I figure by the time I retire I should have about three dollars.'

"The real trick will be enjoying retirement long enough before the Government goes belly up."

"Walter Thruggins, My Life as a Pensions Adviser."

'Sorry I can't pay your pension until I see gray hair. . . Oh yes, and you also get disability.'

Dr. McPhee discovers the Embarrassment Particle.

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

The mysterious world of ligand substitution

"Will you be passing a mailbox?"

"Hey, way to go! You invented both the disease AND the cure!"

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

'At last you can put your feet up and concentrate on worrying about your pension.'