Medication Ponderer Pillows

"Probiotics, antibiotics or undecided?"

Waiting for Pants

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

"All I take anymore is mushrooms for my anxiety, ketamine for my depression, and ibuprofen for the goblins constantly eating my feet."

"Get another opinion if you wish, Mr. Von Flip...But I'm confident it will still come up ' heads - we operate.'"

'Jerry, The Hermans take the same pharmaceuticals we do!'

"I'm basically happy but I'd like a most cost-effective personality."

Are these sessions as soul-deadening for you as they are for me, doctor? Let's not have a contest, Al. Or, if we do, no wagering.

'You forgot you list of possible side-effects.'

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

'Let me know if these weight-loss pills actually work.'

"Hey, way to go! You invented both the disease AND the cure!"

A tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it.

"I don't think I could fit another slice in...oh, hold on."

'Are you a hypochondriac who has everything but your regular placebo isn't doing the job? Talk to your doctor about the new extra-strength placebo.'

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

"We need a product that works like aspirin, but is a lot more expensive to buy."

'Will this make me feel as happy as the people in the commercial?'

Man has drug cabinet labelled 'Safe Drugs' and 'Not Sure Drugs'.

'Wait! Tell me again about the 'excessive gas and oily discharge'?'

'Taking anti-depressants is getting me down...'

'Any side effects of these sleeping pills?'

"My whole life, …. I've never wanted to be anything other than a psychiatric patient."

This is a test of their cognitive skills, and that's a test of their patience. Waiting room.

At first she didn't want to live if it meant being attached to tubes. But before you knew it, they were getting along just fine.

No man is an island ??" it just looks that way.

'H-m-m-mm...may cause insomnia, joint pain, nausea, dizziness, lethargy,gas, irritability, muscle ache, bloating and may nullify the initial good feeling'

'I quit the medication. It gave me lots of zippity, but took away my doo dah.'

How do medicines work? They don't! All they do is give God time to heal the body!

'Call me immediately if this prescription causes and headaches or hallucinations.'

Pharmacy: 'It's a miracle drug because it hasn't been taken off the market yet.'

'Take two of these after I leave the room.'

"And then I tried meditation but found I couldn't stand the hassle."

"We should mention a few mild side effects. If here are none at all, people will be suspicious."