Medication Ponderer Gifts

"Probiotics, antibiotics or undecided?"

Waiting for Pants

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

"All I take anymore is mushrooms for my anxiety, ketamine for my depression, and ibuprofen for the goblins constantly eating my feet."

"Get another opinion if you wish, Mr. Von Flip...But I'm confident it will still come up ' heads - we operate.'"

'Jerry, The Hermans take the same pharmaceuticals we do!'

"I'm basically happy but I'd like a most cost-effective personality."

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

'You forgot you list of possible side-effects.'

'Let me know if these weight-loss pills actually work.'

"Hey, way to go! You invented both the disease AND the cure!"

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

'Are you a hypochondriac who has everything but your regular placebo isn't doing the job? Talk to your doctor about the new extra-strength placebo.'

A tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it.

"We need a product that works like aspirin, but is a lot more expensive to buy."

Man has drug cabinet labelled 'Safe Drugs' and 'Not Sure Drugs'.

'Wait! Tell me again about the 'excessive gas and oily discharge'?'

'Will this make me feel as happy as the people in the commercial?'

'Taking anti-depressants is getting me down...'

"My whole life, …. I've never wanted to be anything other than a psychiatric patient."

'Any side effects of these sleeping pills?'

At first she didn't want to live if it meant being attached to tubes. But before you knew it, they were getting along just fine.

No man is an island ??" it just looks that way.

'H-m-m-mm...may cause insomnia, joint pain, nausea, dizziness, lethargy,gas, irritability, muscle ache, bloating and may nullify the initial good feeling'

'I quit the medication. It gave me lots of zippity, but took away my doo dah.'

How do medicines work? They don't! All they do is give God time to heal the body!

'Call me immediately if this prescription causes and headaches or hallucinations.'

Pharmacy: 'It's a miracle drug because it hasn't been taken off the market yet.'

"And then I tried meditation but found I couldn't stand the hassle."

"We should mention a few mild side effects. If here are none at all, people will be suspicious."

'Who are you calling Napoleon?I'm just going to pay you!'

'Take two of these after I leave the room.'