Medical Ponderer Gifts

At first she didn't want to live if it meant being attached to tubes. But before you knew it, they were getting along just fine.

'The organizational structure is pretty simple: We do the work; they take the credit.'

Waiting for Pants

'At least I don't have his life.'

"All I take anymore is mushrooms for my anxiety, ketamine for my depression, and ibuprofen for the goblins constantly eating my feet."

"Get another opinion if you wish, Mr. Von Flip...But I'm confident it will still come up ' heads - we operate.'"

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

'Turn your thinking cap around, Robert.'

'Jerry, The Hermans take the same pharmaceuticals we do!'

"I'm basically happy but I'd like a most cost-effective personality."

Are these sessions as soul-deadening for you as they are for me, doctor? Let's not have a contest, Al. Or, if we do, no wagering.

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

"Hey, way to go! You invented both the disease AND the cure!"

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

'The mind-body problem is best expressed in the formulation...OOf!'

'Are you a hypochondriac who has everything but your regular placebo isn't doing the job? Talk to your doctor about the new extra-strength placebo.'

"I don't think I could fit another slice in...oh, hold on."

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

Well at least we can handle these rocks.

A tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it.

"We need a product that works like aspirin, but is a lot more expensive to buy."

Mountains and Molehills

'Will this make me feel as happy as the people in the commercial?'

Man has drug cabinet labelled 'Safe Drugs' and 'Not Sure Drugs'.

'Wait! Tell me again about the 'excessive gas and oily discharge'?'

"My whole life, …. I've never wanted to be anything other than a psychiatric patient."

'Taking anti-depressants is getting me down...'

Which came first, the club or the hole?

Have you been undressing me with your eyes? It's okay, I'm a doctor

Hmmm... what's my real purpose? Why am I here? - 'Ooh! Ooh! Me! Me! Let me guess!' - 'Go on, then.' - 'Is your life a homage mediocrity?' - 'Ouch.' - 'Quizzes are fun! Ask me more!' -

This is a test of their cognitive skills, and that's a test of their patience. Waiting room.

No man is an island ??" it just looks that way.

'H-m-m-mm...may cause insomnia, joint pain, nausea, dizziness, lethargy,gas, irritability, muscle ache, bloating and may nullify the initial good feeling'

Do you have a problem?. . . Continue on as usual.