Medicine Ponderer Gifts

How do medicines work? They don't! All they do is give God time to heal the body!

"Space is curved and time is relative? Yeah, OK...I'm calling you a cab right now, buddy."

'The organizational structure is pretty simple: We do the work; they take the credit.'

Waiting for Pants

'At least I don't have his life.'

"All I take anymore is mushrooms for my anxiety, ketamine for my depression, and ibuprofen for the goblins constantly eating my feet."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"Get another opinion if you wish, Mr. Von Flip...But I'm confident it will still come up ' heads - we operate.'"

'Turn your thinking cap around, Robert.'

'Jerry, The Hermans take the same pharmaceuticals we do!'

"Genetic engineering has made us disease resistant."

'Revolution? I thought you creatures said you wanted Evolution!'

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

"An equation for your thoughts?"

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

"Hey, way to go! You invented both the disease AND the cure!"

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

'The mind-body problem is best expressed in the formulation...OOf!'

'Are you a hypochondriac who has everything but your regular placebo isn't doing the job? Talk to your doctor about the new extra-strength placebo.'

'Well, so much for that round-earth theory of yours, smart guy.'

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

A tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it.

"I don't think I could fit another slice in...oh, hold on."

Well at least we can handle these rocks.

"We need a product that works like aspirin, but is a lot more expensive to buy."

Mountains and Molehills

Man has drug cabinet labelled 'Safe Drugs' and 'Not Sure Drugs'.

'Wait! Tell me again about the 'excessive gas and oily discharge'?'

'Will this make me feel as happy as the people in the commercial?'

"My whole life, …. I've never wanted to be anything other than a psychiatric patient."

Hmmm... what's my real purpose? Why am I here? - 'Ooh! Ooh! Me! Me! Let me guess!' - 'Go on, then.' - 'Is your life a homage mediocrity?' - 'Ouch.' - 'Quizzes are fun! Ask me more!' -

This is a test of their cognitive skills, and that's a test of their patience. Waiting room.

Which came first, the club or the hole?

Have you been undressing me with your eyes? It's okay, I'm a doctor

'Taking anti-depressants is getting me down...'