Healthcare Ponderers Gifts

'What's your opinion of National Health care?' 'I hate to think of malingering being a Federal crime.'

Waiting for Pants

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

"Get another opinion if you wish, Mr. Von Flip...But I'm confident it will still come up ' heads - we operate.'"

Your problems are all in your head, Al. This time you're wrong, doctor. I happen to be lying on my keys. The problem is not in my head. It's in my left buttock.

"How the hell should I know what I'm looking at? You're lousy insurance doesn't provide HD X-rays."

Confined by Coronavirus

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

'The medical reimbursement system is sick and there is no race for the cure.'

"Dogs can detect cancer, and mice can detect tuberculosis."

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

"I don't think I could fit another slice in...oh, hold on."

Man has drug cabinet labelled 'Safe Drugs' and 'Not Sure Drugs'.

'Wait! Tell me again about the 'excessive gas and oily discharge'?'

This is a test of their cognitive skills, and that's a test of their patience. Waiting room.

'Taking anti-depressants is getting me down...'

At first she didn't want to live if it meant being attached to tubes. But before you knew it, they were getting along just fine.

No man is an island ??" it just looks that way.

'H-m-m-mm...may cause insomnia, joint pain, nausea, dizziness, lethargy,gas, irritability, muscle ache, bloating and may nullify the initial good feeling'

'I quit the medication. It gave me lots of zippity, but took away my doo dah.'

How do medicines work? They don't! All they do is give God time to heal the body!

Pharmacy: 'It's a miracle drug because it hasn't been taken off the market yet.'

'Take two of these after I leave the room.'

Lady with facemask smoking

'Who are you calling Napoleon?I'm just going to pay you!'

'I'm afraid I have some bad news.'

"Yeah, it's not cheap. But Big Pharma's depending on you."

Your medical insurance ran out? Like it was being chased by a grizzly bear.

The Walking Dread

"Now those b*****s are getting a little taste of my life!"

101 Things to do while waiting for internet access

"Will I be able to carry on not doing any exercise?"

"By the way, I can't afford your fees."

"Antacids, antibacterials, antibiotic, antidepressants, antispasmodics...we'd like something positive for a change."

Vaccine research - please give