Health Plan Ponderers Gifts

There are only two types of people in the world. Those who are built for salad and those who are not.

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

'Relax, we're letting you go. Your insurance didn't go through.'

"Your insurance just called. They don't cover 'having a bad day.'"

"If we take a late retirement and an early death, we'll just squeak by."

'Retirement is OK, but instead of looking forword to weekends, I'm working at McDonalds.'

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

"The industry has agreed to take the pensions dashboard off our hands. . ."

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

Passing the Pension Time Bomb

"The pension crisis prompted me to consider alternative invstments. Like Roulette."

Star Trek-the Older Generation. . .

Retirement Issues

"How the hell should I know what I'm looking at? You're lousy insurance doesn't provide HD X-rays."

"I'm the ghost of your future retirement."

'I re-invested what was left of my 401K into returnable pop cans. I figure by the time I retire I should have about three dollars.'

"The real trick will be enjoying retirement long enough before the Government goes belly up."

"Congratulations you've escaped. Now what?"

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

'Sorry I can't pay your pension until I see gray hair. . . Oh yes, and you also get disability.'

"Walter Thruggins, My Life as a Pensions Adviser."

'The medical reimbursement system is sick and there is no race for the cure.'

'We don't have a health plan but our accountant knows Reiki.'

"Dogs can detect cancer, and mice can detect tuberculosis."

'At last you can put your feet up and concentrate on worrying about your pension.'

"I keep my savings under my mattress. It's the only way I'll ever be able to retire on my money."

"If we want to get across our warnings about the dire consequences of not saving for a future then we need powerful dramatic message!"

"I don't think I could fit another slice in...oh, hold on."

'Congratulations. Your old bloated 401K is now valued as a lean, mean 199F!'