Prescription Pill Ponderers Gifts

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

Waiting for Pants

'Since Fleming already beat you to it with penicillin, I take it we can dispose of your week-old sandwich?'

"All I take anymore is mushrooms for my anxiety, ketamine for my depression, and ibuprofen for the goblins constantly eating my feet."

"Get another opinion if you wish, Mr. Von Flip...But I'm confident it will still come up ' heads - we operate.'"

"How the hell should I know what I'm looking at? You're lousy insurance doesn't provide HD X-rays."

'Dang it, nothing but junk mail'

'Jerry, The Hermans take the same pharmaceuticals we do!'

'You forgot you list of possible side-effects.'

"Will you be passing a mailbox?"

'Let me know if these weight-loss pills actually work.'

"Hey, way to go! You invented both the disease AND the cure!"

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

'Are you a hypochondriac who has everything but your regular placebo isn't doing the job? Talk to your doctor about the new extra-strength placebo.'

"We need a product that works like aspirin, but is a lot more expensive to buy."

Man has drug cabinet labelled 'Safe Drugs' and 'Not Sure Drugs'.

'Wait! Tell me again about the 'excessive gas and oily discharge'?'

'Will this make me feel as happy as the people in the commercial?'

'I do wish you wouldn't use those Polish printers.'

'Any side effects of these sleeping pills?'

Mailwoman looks at mailboxes marked Mail - Spam.

'Taking anti-depressants is getting me down...'

At first she didn't want to live if it meant being attached to tubes. But before you knew it, they were getting along just fine.

'I quit the medication. It gave me lots of zippity, but took away my doo dah.'

'H-m-m-mm...may cause insomnia, joint pain, nausea, dizziness, lethargy,gas, irritability, muscle ache, bloating and may nullify the initial good feeling'

How do medicines work? They don't! All they do is give God time to heal the body!

Pharmacy: 'It's a miracle drug because it hasn't been taken off the market yet.'

'Call me immediately if this prescription causes and headaches or hallucinations.'

'Take two of these after I leave the room.'

"The universe will either continue expanding at its present rate, expand at a slower rate, or begin to contract. None of this, however, can explain why it sometimes takes four days to get a letter from Chicago."

John Calvin

"We should mention a few mild side effects. If here are none at all, people will be suspicious."

'Your problem is keeping things down. I want you to take this one pill four times a day.'