Patient Ponderer Gifts

Waiting for Pants

This is a test of their cognitive skills, and that's a test of their patience. Waiting room.

"We apologise for the delay..."

Chess Cobwebs

"All I take anymore is mushrooms for my anxiety, ketamine for my depression, and ibuprofen for the goblins constantly eating my feet."

"Get another opinion if you wish, Mr. Von Flip...But I'm confident it will still come up ' heads - we operate.'"

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

God answers what He thought were worldwide prayers for peas.

'Jerry, The Hermans take the same pharmaceuticals we do!'

Why not get God's fax number, and just fax him my prayer?

'Turn your thinking cap around, Robert.'

"NO I DON'T THINK YOU NEED LEGAL REPRESENTATION WHEN SAYING YOUR PRAYERS."

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

'You forgot you list of possible side-effects.'

Various Birds of Pray.

Are these sessions as soul-deadening for you as they are for me, doctor? Let's not have a contest, Al. Or, if we do, no wagering.

'Let me know if these weight-loss pills actually work.'

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

"Hey, way to go! You invented both the disease AND the cure!"

'The mind-body problem is best expressed in the formulation...OOf!'

Well at least we can handle these rocks.

"I don't think I could fit another slice in...oh, hold on."

A tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it.

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

'Are you a hypochondriac who has everything but your regular placebo isn't doing the job? Talk to your doctor about the new extra-strength placebo.'

"We need a product that works like aspirin, but is a lot more expensive to buy."

Mountains and Molehills

'No, we wouldn't want to ask God's blessing on something evil, but carrots aren't evil.'

'Wait! Tell me again about the 'excessive gas and oily discharge'?'

'Will this make me feel as happy as the people in the commercial?'

Man has drug cabinet labelled 'Safe Drugs' and 'Not Sure Drugs'.

Hmmm... what's my real purpose? Why am I here? - 'Ooh! Ooh! Me! Me! Let me guess!' - 'Go on, then.' - 'Is your life a homage mediocrity?' - 'Ouch.' - 'Quizzes are fun! Ask me more!' -

'Any side effects of these sleeping pills?'

"Each night Lily said her prayers... As the fleas and gnats do bite and gnaw my skin, so shall the worms eat and consume me, in the dirt and dust of the Lord's earth. Amen. And each night her prayers freaked her parents out."

"My whole life, …. I've never wanted to be anything other than a psychiatric patient."