Therapy Ponderer Gifts

'Just get another cat' - Crazy people hear only what they want to hear.

"And then I tried meditation but found I couldn't stand the hassle."

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

"Needs to get a life"

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

Waiting for Pants

"What's an imagination? It was something kids used to enjoy before they invented video games."

'As you know, some of us can't keep up with the pace of new technology.'

"All I take anymore is mushrooms for my anxiety, ketamine for my depression, and ibuprofen for the goblins constantly eating my feet."

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

'What do lawyers really want, Mr. Montague?'

Max Weber

Progress?

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

Telling Self to Buzz Off

Psychiatry ward with 'Inhibited' and 'Outgoing' trays.

Caption Contest TK

That's no big deal, a lot of people get Siskel and Ebert mixed up

'Jerry, The Hermans take the same pharmaceuticals we do!'

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

Tracey Emin's Bed

'Well, that brings us up to my third birthday...'

'Turn your thinking cap around, Robert.'

"Of course it sends your message digitally. If you want analogue we'll have to saddle up old Bessie."

CREEPY AF AI

"Would you look at the carrot on that guy!"

'It seems like a good invention now, but someday there'll be millions of these things, all crashing into each other.'

'It's not just his insane jealousy - he also insists on choosing all my clothes.'

'Is it me or do these new led street lights wash out the reds and yellows?'

"I utilize the best from Freud, the best from Jung and the best from my uncle Marty, a very smart fellow."

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'