Therapy Ponderer Gifts

'Just get another cat' - Crazy people hear only what they want to hear.

"And then I tried meditation but found I couldn't stand the hassle."

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

"Needs to get a life"

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

Waiting for Pants

"What's an imagination? It was something kids used to enjoy before they invented video games."

"All I take anymore is mushrooms for my anxiety, ketamine for my depression, and ibuprofen for the goblins constantly eating my feet."

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

'As you know, some of us can't keep up with the pace of new technology.'

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

'What do lawyers really want, Mr. Montague?'

Max Weber

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

Progress?

Telling Self to Buzz Off

Psychiatry ward with 'Inhibited' and 'Outgoing' trays.

I see

That's no big deal, a lot of people get Siskel and Ebert mixed up

'Please don't read anything into the fact that I'm wearing loafers. I assure you I'm a very energetic worker.'

"Of course it sends your message digitally. If you want analogue we'll have to saddle up old Bessie."

Tracey Emin's Bed

Yeah, I woke up as a roach because I was so full of existential dread – Why did you wake up as a dung beetle?

What brings you to therapy, Rudy? Dr. Noodle. I've been feeling like my whole life is on pause. And I can't find the remote to unpause it. Meanwhile, everyone else's stories are proceeding apace. They're all into the second act already. They've all had plot twists, and hero's journeys, and epic love scenes, and thrilling reversals of fortune ... Meanwhile, I'm still paused on the opening credits because no remote. Why don't you get up off the couch and unpause it manually? You can do that?

Caption Contest TK

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

'Jerry, The Hermans take the same pharmaceuticals we do!'

'Turn your thinking cap around, Robert.'

'Well, that brings us up to my third birthday...'

'It seems like a good invention now, but someday there'll be millions of these things, all crashing into each other.'

'It's not just his insane jealousy - he also insists on choosing all my clothes.'

CREEPY AF AI

Are these sessions as soul-deadening for you as they are for me, doctor? Let's not have a contest, Al. Or, if we do, no wagering.

"Would you look at the carrot on that guy!"