Psychiatry Ponderer Gifts

"Get me a psychiatrist, preferably one with military experience."

'Who are you calling Napoleon?I'm just going to pay you!'

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"Needs to get a life"

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

Waiting for Pants

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

"Get another opinion if you wish, Mr. Von Flip...But I'm confident it will still come up ' heads - we operate.'"

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

'What do lawyers really want, Mr. Montague?'

Max Weber

"I'll have dessert first."

'I say we try it.'

"It is just as the Oracle foretold!"

'Congratulations, you've got the job. Unfortunately though, you'll be constantly late, and we'll fire you in two months.'

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

Telling Self to Buzz Off

Psychiatry ward with 'Inhibited' and 'Outgoing' trays.

'The hardest part of being a street crazy is picking each day's sign.'

'Turn your thinking cap around, Robert.'

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

'Well, that brings us up to my third birthday...'

'You'll be going on a long journey this Christmas.'

That's no big deal, a lot of people get Siskel and Ebert mixed up

Caption Contest TK

'He's always looking for an argument!'

The End is Near.

'It's not just his insane jealousy - he also insists on choosing all my clothes.'

A self-filling prophecy.

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

"Would you look at the carrot on that guy!"