Psychiatry Ponderer Pillows

"Get me a psychiatrist, preferably one with military experience."

'Who are you calling Napoleon?I'm just going to pay you!'

"Needs to get a life"

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

Waiting for Pants

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

"Get another opinion if you wish, Mr. Von Flip...But I'm confident it will still come up ' heads - we operate.'"

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

'What do lawyers really want, Mr. Montague?'

Max Weber

"I'll have dessert first."

'Congratulations, you've got the job. Unfortunately though, you'll be constantly late, and we'll fire you in two months.'

"It is just as the Oracle foretold!"

'I say we try it.'

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

Telling Self to Buzz Off

Psychiatry ward with 'Inhibited' and 'Outgoing' trays.

'You'll be going on a long journey this Christmas.'

'Turn your thinking cap around, Robert.'

Caption Contest TK

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

Fortune teller sees impending doom

'Please don't read anything into the fact that I'm wearing loafers. I assure you I'm a very energetic worker.'

'He's always looking for an argument!'

That's no big deal, a lot of people get Siskel and Ebert mixed up

Yeah, I woke up as a roach because I was so full of existential dread – Why did you wake up as a dung beetle?

'Well, that brings us up to my third birthday...'

What brings you to therapy, Rudy? Dr. Noodle. I've been feeling like my whole life is on pause. And I can't find the remote to unpause it. Meanwhile, everyone else's stories are proceeding apace. They're all into the second act already. They've all had plot twists, and hero's journeys, and epic love scenes, and thrilling reversals of fortune ... Meanwhile, I'm still paused on the opening credits because no remote. Why don't you get up off the couch and unpause it manually? You can do that?

I see

'The hardest part of being a street crazy is picking each day's sign.'

The End is Near.

A self-filling prophecy.

'It's not just his insane jealousy - he also insists on choosing all my clothes.'