Patient Ponderer Pillows

Waiting for Pants

"We apologise for the delay..."

Chess Cobwebs

"All I take anymore is mushrooms for my anxiety, ketamine for my depression, and ibuprofen for the goblins constantly eating my feet."

"Get another opinion if you wish, Mr. Von Flip...But I'm confident it will still come up ' heads - we operate.'"

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

Why not get God's fax number, and just fax him my prayer?

'Jerry, The Hermans take the same pharmaceuticals we do!'

God answers what He thought were worldwide prayers for peas.

'Turn your thinking cap around, Robert.'

"NO I DON'T THINK YOU NEED LEGAL REPRESENTATION WHEN SAYING YOUR PRAYERS."

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

'You forgot you list of possible side-effects.'

Various Birds of Pray.

'Let me know if these weight-loss pills actually work.'

"Hey, way to go! You invented both the disease AND the cure!"

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

'The mind-body problem is best expressed in the formulation...OOf!'

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

Well at least we can handle these rocks.

'Are you a hypochondriac who has everything but your regular placebo isn't doing the job? Talk to your doctor about the new extra-strength placebo.'

A tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it.

"We need a product that works like aspirin, but is a lot more expensive to buy."

Mountains and Molehills

'Wait! Tell me again about the 'excessive gas and oily discharge'?'

Man has drug cabinet labelled 'Safe Drugs' and 'Not Sure Drugs'.

'Will this make me feel as happy as the people in the commercial?'

'No, we wouldn't want to ask God's blessing on something evil, but carrots aren't evil.'

Hmmm... what's my real purpose? Why am I here? - 'Ooh! Ooh! Me! Me! Let me guess!' - 'Go on, then.' - 'Is your life a homage mediocrity?' - 'Ouch.' - 'Quizzes are fun! Ask me more!' -

"...The sun sank slowly in the west. Time slowed down to a crawl, and there was no reason to hurry. The tortoise knew he had time to kill. Haste makes waste, he thought..."

'Any side effects of these sleeping pills?'

"Each night Lily said her prayers... As the fleas and gnats do bite and gnaw my skin, so shall the worms eat and consume me, in the dirt and dust of the Lord's earth. Amen. And each night her prayers freaked her parents out."

"My whole life, …. I've never wanted to be anything other than a psychiatric patient."

'Taking anti-depressants is getting me down...'

At first she didn't want to live if it meant being attached to tubes. But before you knew it, they were getting along just fine.