Prescription Ponderer Pillows

'H-m-m-mm...may cause insomnia, joint pain, nausea, dizziness, lethargy,gas, irritability, muscle ache, bloating and may nullify the initial good feeling'

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

"This drug is very expensive, but the side effects are worth it."

Pharmacy: 'It's a miracle drug because it hasn't been taken off the market yet.'

'Wait! Tell me again about the 'excessive gas and oily discharge'?'

Man has drug cabinet labelled 'Safe Drugs' and 'Not Sure Drugs'.

"Antacids, antibacterials, antibiotic, antidepressants, antispasmodics...we'd like something positive for a change."

'Take two of these after I leave the room.'

'Taking anti-depressants is getting me down...'

'Say hello to your latest long-term prescription and please welcome it into your family of drugs.'

"Yeah, it's not cheap. But Big Pharma's depending on you."

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

Waiting for Pants

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

"All I take anymore is mushrooms for my anxiety, ketamine for my depression, and ibuprofen for the goblins constantly eating my feet."

"Get another opinion if you wish, Mr. Von Flip...But I'm confident it will still come up ' heads - we operate.'"

'Dang it, nothing but junk mail'

'Jerry, The Hermans take the same pharmaceuticals we do!'

'You forgot you list of possible side-effects.'

"Will you be passing a mailbox?"

Six months later they would be sharing the Nobel Prize, but for now all they could do was stare in amazement at what they had discovered...two incredibly well preserved specimens from the styrofoam age.'

"Hey, way to go! You invented both the disease AND the cure!"

'Let me know if these weight-loss pills actually work.'

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

'Are you a hypochondriac who has everything but your regular placebo isn't doing the job? Talk to your doctor about the new extra-strength placebo.'

"I want my job back."

A tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it.

"We need a product that works like aspirin, but is a lot more expensive to buy."

'Will this make me feel as happy as the people in the commercial?'

'Any side effects of these sleeping pills?'

Mailwoman looks at mailboxes marked Mail - Spam.

At first she didn't want to live if it meant being attached to tubes. But before you knew it, they were getting along just fine.

'I quit the medication. It gave me lots of zippity, but took away my doo dah.'

How do medicines work? They don't! All they do is give God time to heal the body!

"We should mention a few mild side effects. If here are none at all, people will be suspicious."