Prescription Ponderer Pillows

'H-m-m-mm...may cause insomnia, joint pain, nausea, dizziness, lethargy,gas, irritability, muscle ache, bloating and may nullify the initial good feeling'

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

"This drug is very expensive, but the side effects are worth it."

Pharmacy: 'It's a miracle drug because it hasn't been taken off the market yet.'

'Wait! Tell me again about the 'excessive gas and oily discharge'?'

Man has drug cabinet labelled 'Safe Drugs' and 'Not Sure Drugs'.

"Antacids, antibacterials, antibiotic, antidepressants, antispasmodics...we'd like something positive for a change."

Pharmacy. What can I get that has the fewest side effects for $30 or under?

'Take two of these after I leave the room.'

'According to the bottle, these are 24-hour pain reliever pills that will kill pain before you realize you're feeling pain, and. . .'

'Taking anti-depressants is getting me down...'

'Say hello to your latest long-term prescription and please welcome it into your family of drugs.'

"Yeah, it's not cheap. But Big Pharma's depending on you."

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

Waiting for Pants

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

"All I take anymore is mushrooms for my anxiety, ketamine for my depression, and ibuprofen for the goblins constantly eating my feet."

"Get another opinion if you wish, Mr. Von Flip...But I'm confident it will still come up ' heads - we operate.'"

'Dang it, nothing but junk mail'

'Jerry, The Hermans take the same pharmaceuticals we do!'

'You forgot you list of possible side-effects.'

"Will you be passing a mailbox?"

Six months later they would be sharing the Nobel Prize, but for now all they could do was stare in amazement at what they had discovered...two incredibly well preserved specimens from the styrofoam age.'

"Hey, way to go! You invented both the disease AND the cure!"

'Let me know if these weight-loss pills actually work.'

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

A tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it.

'Are you a hypochondriac who has everything but your regular placebo isn't doing the job? Talk to your doctor about the new extra-strength placebo.'

"I want my job back."

"We need a product that works like aspirin, but is a lot more expensive to buy."

'Will this make me feel as happy as the people in the commercial?'

This is a test of their cognitive skills, and that's a test of their patience. Waiting room.

Pizza Palazzo. Relax - It's only the post office that's thinking of stopping Saturday delivery!

'Any side effects of these sleeping pills?'

Mailwoman looks at mailboxes marked Mail - Spam.