Pharmaceutical Ponderer Pillows

'The pills I prescribed for dementia are causing a rash. Which would you rather have?'

"We need a product that works like aspirin, but is a lot more expensive to buy."

"Hey, way to go! You invented both the disease AND the cure!"

'Will this make me feel as happy as the people in the commercial?'

Eating Pills

"All I take anymore is mushrooms for my anxiety, ketamine for my depression, and ibuprofen for the goblins constantly eating my feet."

"We should mention a few mild side effects. If here are none at all, people will be suspicious."

"I'd like to get more aggressive in your treatment... I'm changing your prescription from 'Medical Marijuana' to 'Medical Crack.'"

'My doctor says I'm suffering from nymphomania - can you do anything to help me?'

'Are you a hypochondriac who has everything but your regular placebo isn't doing the job? Talk to your doctor about the new extra-strength placebo.'

'Jerry, The Hermans take the same pharmaceuticals we do!'

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

'The organizational structure is pretty simple: We do the work; they take the credit.'

Waiting for Pants

"The UWS association for the advancement of A.I."

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

"Quantum Physics"? How am I going to learn all of this stuff? A bit at a time?

"What if Newton came up with a different idea from a fallen apple."

'At least I don't have his life.'

'Since Fleming already beat you to it with penicillin, I take it we can dispose of your week-old sandwich?'

"My computer beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick-boxing!"

"Of course you can't put your finger on it. It's a hypothetical particle."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

Time, Temp, Today's Neutrino Mass

"What if it's smarter than us?"

"Well I think the Real question is..."

Robot Attack in Bath

'It's not working because it claims it can think and has decided not to.'

Are you aware? The Higgs Boson was thought to exist even through no one had seen it!

"I've never read such utter nonsense! There's a guy here reckons we're all living in some kind of computer simulation!!"

The mysterious world of ligand substitution

'You forgot you list of possible side-effects.'

Dr. McPhee discovers the Embarrassment Particle.

'Let me know if these weight-loss pills actually work.'

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'