Patient Ponderers Gifts

101 Things to do while waiting for internet access

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

Waiting for Pants

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

"Get another opinion if you wish, Mr. Von Flip...But I'm confident it will still come up ' heads - we operate.'"

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

Why not get God's fax number, and just fax him my prayer?

God answers what He thought were worldwide prayers for peas.

'Turn your thinking cap around, Robert.'

"NO I DON'T THINK YOU NEED LEGAL REPRESENTATION WHEN SAYING YOUR PRAYERS."

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

Various Birds of Pray.

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

'The mind-body problem is best expressed in the formulation...OOf!'

A tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it.

Well at least we can handle these rocks.

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

Mountains and Molehills

'Wait! Tell me again about the 'excessive gas and oily discharge'?'

'No, we wouldn't want to ask God's blessing on something evil, but carrots aren't evil.'

Man has drug cabinet labelled 'Safe Drugs' and 'Not Sure Drugs'.

Hmmm... what's my real purpose? Why am I here? - 'Ooh! Ooh! Me! Me! Let me guess!' - 'Go on, then.' - 'Is your life a homage mediocrity?' - 'Ouch.' - 'Quizzes are fun! Ask me more!' -

"My whole life, …. I've never wanted to be anything other than a psychiatric patient."

'Taking anti-depressants is getting me down...'

"Each night Lily said her prayers... As the fleas and gnats do bite and gnaw my skin, so shall the worms eat and consume me, in the dirt and dust of the Lord's earth. Amen. And each night her prayers freaked her parents out."

At first she didn't want to live if it meant being attached to tubes. But before you knew it, they were getting along just fine.

No man is an island ??" it just looks that way.

'I quit the medication. It gave me lots of zippity, but took away my doo dah.'

'H-m-m-mm...may cause insomnia, joint pain, nausea, dizziness, lethargy,gas, irritability, muscle ache, bloating and may nullify the initial good feeling'

Do you have a problem?. . . Continue on as usual.

How do medicines work? They don't! All they do is give God time to heal the body!

"I can't deal with any famines, massacres or epidemics right now - I've got to help some guy sink a foul shot."