Patient Ponderers T-Shirts

101 Things to do while waiting for internet access

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

Waiting for Pants

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

"Get another opinion if you wish, Mr. Von Flip...But I'm confident it will still come up ' heads - we operate.'"

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

Why not get God's fax number, and just fax him my prayer?

'Turn your thinking cap around, Robert.'

God answers what He thought were worldwide prayers for peas.

"NO I DON'T THINK YOU NEED LEGAL REPRESENTATION WHEN SAYING YOUR PRAYERS."

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

Jealousy

Various Birds of Pray.

Are these sessions as soul-deadening for you as they are for me, doctor? Let's not have a contest, Al. Or, if we do, no wagering.

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

'The mind-body problem is best expressed in the formulation...OOf!'

Well at least we can handle these rocks.

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

"I don't think I could fit another slice in...oh, hold on."

A tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it.

Mountains and Molehills

'Wait! Tell me again about the 'excessive gas and oily discharge'?'

Man has drug cabinet labelled 'Safe Drugs' and 'Not Sure Drugs'.

'No, we wouldn't want to ask God's blessing on something evil, but carrots aren't evil.'

Hmmm... what's my real purpose? Why am I here? - 'Ooh! Ooh! Me! Me! Let me guess!' - 'Go on, then.' - 'Is your life a homage mediocrity?' - 'Ouch.' - 'Quizzes are fun! Ask me more!' -

"Each night Lily said her prayers... As the fleas and gnats do bite and gnaw my skin, so shall the worms eat and consume me, in the dirt and dust of the Lord's earth. Amen. And each night her prayers freaked her parents out."

"My whole life, …. I've never wanted to be anything other than a psychiatric patient."

This is a test of their cognitive skills, and that's a test of their patience. Waiting room.

'Taking anti-depressants is getting me down...'

At first she didn't want to live if it meant being attached to tubes. But before you knew it, they were getting along just fine.

No man is an island ??" it just looks that way.

'H-m-m-mm...may cause insomnia, joint pain, nausea, dizziness, lethargy,gas, irritability, muscle ache, bloating and may nullify the initial good feeling'

'I quit the medication. It gave me lots of zippity, but took away my doo dah.'

How do medicines work? They don't! All they do is give God time to heal the body!

Do you have a problem?. . . Continue on as usual.