Pill Ponderers Gifts

Sleeping Pills: May cause drowsiness...

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

'Since Fleming already beat you to it with penicillin, I take it we can dispose of your week-old sandwich?'

"All I take anymore is mushrooms for my anxiety, ketamine for my depression, and ibuprofen for the goblins constantly eating my feet."

'According to the latest poll, 64% of the public don't pay any attention to polls...'

'There must be some way we can capitalize on that damn boson.'

Man sees hug capsules: 'Not to be taken Orally.'

'Jerry, The Hermans take the same pharmaceuticals we do!'

The Loneliness of Power

'You forgot you list of possible side-effects.'

'You may choose either everlasting life or whatever is behind the curtain.'

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

'Let me know if these weight-loss pills actually work.'

"Hey, way to go! You invented both the disease AND the cure!"

'Are you a hypochondriac who has everything but your regular placebo isn't doing the job? Talk to your doctor about the new extra-strength placebo.'

"We need a product that works like aspirin, but is a lot more expensive to buy."

'Wait! Tell me again about the 'excessive gas and oily discharge'?'

Man has drug cabinet labelled 'Safe Drugs' and 'Not Sure Drugs'.

'Will this make me feel as happy as the people in the commercial?'

This prescription doesn't have side efets. It's more like straight to the top and straight to the bottom.

'Taking anti-depressants is getting me down...'

'Any side effects of these sleeping pills?'

"The latest numbers are in. More voters want you to drop out than to run."

'I quit the medication. It gave me lots of zippity, but took away my doo dah.'

'H-m-m-mm...may cause insomnia, joint pain, nausea, dizziness, lethargy,gas, irritability, muscle ache, bloating and may nullify the initial good feeling'

How do medicines work? They don't! All they do is give God time to heal the body!

Pharmacy: 'It's a miracle drug because it hasn't been taken off the market yet.'

"Yo've got to be more specific, Ed. Wake you when what's over?"

'Take two of these after I leave the room.'

Falcon finds Waldo

'Too many gaspers kept the turtlers from catching the ridley.'

"We should mention a few mild side effects. If here are none at all, people will be suspicious."