Retirement Plan Ponderer Gifts

"Of course annuity rates are enormously fickle..."

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"Hello - I'm from the future..."

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

"Your insurance just called. They don't cover 'having a bad day.'"

'Relax, we're letting you go. Your insurance didn't go through.'

"If we take a late retirement and an early death, we'll just squeak by."

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

'Retirement is OK, but instead of looking forword to weekends, I'm working at McDonalds.'

"The industry has agreed to take the pensions dashboard off our hands. . ."

'When 900 years you reach, retire, you will not.'

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

Passing the Pension Time Bomb

"The pension crisis prompted me to consider alternative invstments. Like Roulette."

"What's Tim doing on the window ledge?"

Star Trek-the Older Generation. . .

Have you seen my money?

Retirement Issues

"I'm the ghost of your future retirement."

I think it's time to retire from boxing. I'm too old for life in the fist lane.

"How the hell should I know what I'm looking at? You're lousy insurance doesn't provide HD X-rays."

'Son, someday you're going to be short all of this.'

"The real trick will be enjoying retirement long enough before the Government goes belly up."

'I re-invested what was left of my 401K into returnable pop cans. I figure by the time I retire I should have about three dollars.'

"I don't get this whole age thing...I waited all year to turn nine, but now I don't feel any older!"

'Sorry I can't pay your pension until I see gray hair. . . Oh yes, and you also get disability.'

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

"Congratulations you've escaped. Now what?"

"Walter Thruggins, My Life as a Pensions Adviser."

"Forget keeping all your eggs in one basket. What you need is a nest egg..."