Retirement Ponderer Gifts

'When 900 years you reach, retire, you will not.'

I think it's time to retire from boxing. I'm too old for life in the fist lane.

The curse of Alzheimer's hits home for old aluminium atoms.

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

'The organizational structure is pretty simple: We do the work; they take the credit.'

"Hello - I'm from the future..."

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

'At least I don't have his life.'

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

'I've used up all my eligibilities'

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"If we take a late retirement and an early death, we'll just squeak by."

'Where do you see yourself in five minutes?'

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

'Retirement is OK, but instead of looking forword to weekends, I'm working at McDonalds.'

"The industry has agreed to take the pensions dashboard off our hands. . ."

"She said that she's against combing marriage with a career....so I quit my job."

'I've been thinking about quitting, but it's the only thing that gets me out of the house.'

Passing the Pension Time Bomb

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

'And the recruiter from IBM - did you also tell him that at college you mostly sat on a rock by the sea, trying to find yourself?'

"The pension crisis prompted me to consider alternative invstments. Like Roulette."

Star Trek-the Older Generation. . .

Retirement Issues

"I'm the ghost of your future retirement."

Personnel. I figure since every boss tells you to forget everything you learned in school, not learning anything to begin with puts me ahead of the pack.

"The real trick will be enjoying retirement long enough before the Government goes belly up."

'I re-invested what was left of my 401K into returnable pop cans. I figure by the time I retire I should have about three dollars.'

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

'Sorry I can't pay your pension until I see gray hair. . . Oh yes, and you also get disability.'

"I don't get this whole age thing...I waited all year to turn nine, but now I don't feel any older!"

"Where do you see yourself in five years?"