Pension Ponderer Gifts

"I rolled my pension over and over and over, and now I have no idea where the hell it is."

Unusual Retirement Plans

'We've decided to stay together for the sake of Ken's pension.'

"If I knew what our 401k was doing maybe I could sleep."

"You can afford to retire at 65, but you'll need to die at 70."

"As a Baby Boomer, I never thought the boom would be the sound of my retirement accounts collapsing."

'We're transferring you to our Final Straw pension scheme.'

"No, son, I don't know what decisions will be made about your social security. Good night."

"Between my IRA, small pension, and savings, I think when I retire, I'll only need two part time jobs to get by."

'I'm afraid it's not gold-plated after all.'

"The government realises that there has been some confusion about retirement ages..."

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

"If he'd worked for a few more years he might have got a decent state pension...But then he goes and dies on me at the tender age of 97!"

Passing the Pension Time Bomb

"It looks like your private pension isn't going to yield as much as we originally anticipated...I'm afraid you'll have to go on collecting nuts for years."

It seems rather late to be taking out a retirement pension. I suggest you start doing the lottery instead.

'I'm having my leaving do now as I'll be too old to party by the time I retire'

'Since he retired, it's been all play and no work, but he's STILL a dull boy!'

"I fondly remember the time before the money ran out."

'Are you really sure you want to see what's in your pension pot?'

It seemed to be a good plan....Work until retirement and then nothing but sitting around..."

Social Security Scratcher.

Newspaper reads: Retirement age raised -

'Who needs a pension when you're old?'

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

Star Trek-the Older Generation. . .

'Retirement is OK, but instead of looking forword to weekends, I'm working at McDonalds.'

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

Pension Planning is Enormously Complex

"The real trick will be enjoying retirement long enough before the Government goes belly up."

'If my 401K gets any lower I'll end up owing someone money!'

"So many are retiring - we're seeing if there's enough here."

'I re-invested what was left of my 401K into returnable pop cans. I figure by the time I retire I should have about three dollars.'

'That's just for teacher, Kevin. The school doesn't have a retirement plan for STUDENTS.'

'At last you can put your feet up and concentrate on worrying about your pension.'