Health Ponderer Gifts

No man is an island ??" it just looks that way.

"Will I be able to carry on not doing any exercise?"

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

Waiting for Pants

'What's the chance of getting a latte around here?'

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

Bizarre sequence of computer-generated random numbers

The Human Condition

"Woah - random!"

"How the hell should I know what I'm looking at? You're lousy insurance doesn't provide HD X-rays."

'Today's Odds' sign above a copier showing various odds for machine's malfunctions

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

"We just made a big cancer breakthrough. Have a cigar."

"Caution! Now entering the margin of error."

Desert crawler following water

Confined by Coronavirus

'The medical reimbursement system is sick and there is no race for the cure.'

"Dogs can detect cancer, and mice can detect tuberculosis."

"It's a cause close to my heart."

'I'll have you know that I'm 100% psychobabble-compliant!'

"Let's face it, you could back the wrong horse in a one-horse race!"

At first she didn't want to live if it meant being attached to tubes. But before you knew it, they were getting along just fine.

'I'm just calculating the probability of my getting tenure in this university.'

How do medicines work? They don't! All they do is give God time to heal the body!

"Either you give up all that unhealthy stuff and live another 30 years or you go on as before, have a blast for about 10 or 11 years and then die happy, satisfied and drunken."

'I'm afraid I have some bad news.'

Lady with facemask smoking

"Yes, even with all the progress they're making in geriatrics, marriage is still 'til death do you part."

"I gave up smoking to annoy my wife by living longer."

Probability: 10,000-1, 150-1, 6-1, 2-5, 1-20, 50-1, 10,000-1.

'It's like shooting fish in a barrel, except you're in Vegas and the barrel's in New York.'

"Now those b*****s are getting a little taste of my life!"

101 Things to do while waiting for internet access