Health Ponderer Gifts

No man is an island ??" it just looks that way.

"Will I be able to carry on not doing any exercise?"

"I don't think I could fit another slice in...oh, hold on."

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

Waiting for Pants

Your problems are all in your head, Al. This time you're wrong, doctor. I happen to be lying on my keys. The problem is not in my head. It's in my left buttock.

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

Bizarre sequence of computer-generated random numbers

'What's the chance of getting a latte around here?'

"How the hell should I know what I'm looking at? You're lousy insurance doesn't provide HD X-rays."

The Human Condition

"Woah - random!"

'Today's Odds' sign above a copier showing various odds for machine's malfunctions

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

"We just made a big cancer breakthrough. Have a cigar."

Confined by Coronavirus

Desert crawler following water

"Caution! Now entering the margin of error."

'The medical reimbursement system is sick and there is no race for the cure.'

"Dogs can detect cancer, and mice can detect tuberculosis."

"It's a cause close to my heart."

This is a test of their cognitive skills, and that's a test of their patience. Waiting room.

"Let's face it, you could back the wrong horse in a one-horse race!"

'I'll have you know that I'm 100% psychobabble-compliant!'

At first she didn't want to live if it meant being attached to tubes. But before you knew it, they were getting along just fine.

'I'm just calculating the probability of my getting tenure in this university.'

How do medicines work? They don't! All they do is give God time to heal the body!

'I'm afraid I have some bad news.'

Lady with facemask smoking

"Yes, even with all the progress they're making in geriatrics, marriage is still 'til death do you part."

"Either you give up all that unhealthy stuff and live another 30 years or you go on as before, have a blast for about 10 or 11 years and then die happy, satisfied and drunken."

"I gave up smoking to annoy my wife by living longer."

Probability: 10,000-1, 150-1, 6-1, 2-5, 1-20, 50-1, 10,000-1.

"Now those b*****s are getting a little taste of my life!"