Health Plan Ponderer Pillows

"So which HMO do you plan to join?"

"How the hell should I know what I'm looking at? You're lousy insurance doesn't provide HD X-rays."

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

'Relax, we're letting you go. Your insurance didn't go through.'

"Your insurance just called. They don't cover 'having a bad day.'"

"If we take a late retirement and an early death, we'll just squeak by."

'Retirement is OK, but instead of looking forword to weekends, I'm working at McDonalds.'

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

"The industry has agreed to take the pensions dashboard off our hands. . ."

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

Passing the Pension Time Bomb

"The pension crisis prompted me to consider alternative invstments. Like Roulette."

Star Trek-the Older Generation. . .

"I'm the ghost of your future retirement."

Retirement Issues

'I re-invested what was left of my 401K into returnable pop cans. I figure by the time I retire I should have about three dollars.'

"The real trick will be enjoying retirement long enough before the Government goes belly up."

"Walter Thruggins, My Life as a Pensions Adviser."

'You have to admire the way Hartley overcame his honesty and integrity to get to the top.'

'Sorry I can't pay your pension until I see gray hair. . . Oh yes, and you also get disability.'

"Congratulations you've escaped. Now what?"

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

"Dogs can detect cancer, and mice can detect tuberculosis."

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

'At last you can put your feet up and concentrate on worrying about your pension.'

"I keep my savings under my mattress. It's the only way I'll ever be able to retire on my money."

"I don't think I could fit another slice in...oh, hold on."

'The money you've saved to last through your old age is gone and, h-hh-m...you're still here!'