Health Plan Ponderer Pillows

"So which HMO do you plan to join?"

"How the hell should I know what I'm looking at? You're lousy insurance doesn't provide HD X-rays."

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

'Relax, we're letting you go. Your insurance didn't go through.'

"Your insurance just called. They don't cover 'having a bad day.'"

"If we take a late retirement and an early death, we'll just squeak by."

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

"The industry has agreed to take the pensions dashboard off our hands. . ."

Passing the Pension Time Bomb

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

"The pension crisis prompted me to consider alternative invstments. Like Roulette."

Retirement Issues

"I'm the ghost of your future retirement."

'I re-invested what was left of my 401K into returnable pop cans. I figure by the time I retire I should have about three dollars.'

"The real trick will be enjoying retirement long enough before the Government goes belly up."

'You have to admire the way Hartley overcame his honesty and integrity to get to the top.'

'Sorry I can't pay your pension until I see gray hair. . . Oh yes, and you also get disability.'

"Walter Thruggins, My Life as a Pensions Adviser."

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

"Congratulations you've escaped. Now what?"

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

"Dogs can detect cancer, and mice can detect tuberculosis."

"I keep my savings under my mattress. It's the only way I'll ever be able to retire on my money."

'At last you can put your feet up and concentrate on worrying about your pension.'

'I'm new here. What type of retirement plan do they offer?'

"If we want to get across our warnings about the dire consequences of not saving for a future then we need powerful dramatic message!"

'Congratulations. Your old bloated 401K is now valued as a lean, mean 199F!'