Private Healthcare Ponderer Pillows

"By the way, I can't afford your fees."

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

Waiting for Pants

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mr.Hooper, I've just got the report on your finances.'

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

"All I take anymore is mushrooms for my anxiety, ketamine for my depression, and ibuprofen for the goblins constantly eating my feet."

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

'Hey, it's that peeping Tom again, the one who has no respect for privacy.'

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

Passing the Pension Time Bomb

Retirement Issues

"How the hell should I know what I'm looking at? You're lousy insurance doesn't provide HD X-rays."

"I'm the ghost of your future retirement."

'Jerry, The Hermans take the same pharmaceuticals we do!'

Desert Island Surveillance.

'No, I'm not into astronomy. That telescope is for you to see your new parking spot.'

"The real trick will be enjoying retirement long enough before the Government goes belly up."

'I re-invested what was left of my 401K into returnable pop cans. I figure by the time I retire I should have about three dollars.'

'Kitchen! Chicken Bone! Hurry!!' - Rent-A-Surgeon

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

"Walter Thruggins, My Life as a Pensions Adviser."

'Sorry I can't pay your pension until I see gray hair. . . Oh yes, and you also get disability.'

Dr. McPhee discovers the Embarrassment Particle.

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

"Hey, way to go! You invented both the disease AND the cure!"

"Dogs can detect cancer, and mice can detect tuberculosis."

'At last you can put your feet up and concentrate on worrying about your pension.'

'I'm new here. What type of retirement plan do they offer?'