Life Expectancy Ponderer Gifts

When Bert stopped wondering why, statistically, women outlive men...

'If we didn't live so long we wouldn't eat so much!'

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

'I'm not sure what I want out of life, but I want a lot of it.'

'I think I'm getting somewhere. On the way over I stopped to smell the flowers.'

The meaning of life is to avoid falling rocks

"Death coach..."

NOT COVID-RELATED tombstone

'I really don't know how you got here with your life line!'

Baxter finally gets a life

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

'What's the chance of getting a latte around here?'

Bizarre sequence of computer-generated random numbers

"Last time I saw you, you were just a baby."

"Woah - random!"

'Today's Odds' sign above a copier showing various odds for machine's malfunctions

Wally dozes off in the middle of his mid-life crisis.

"In a former life, I was exactly the same."

Thanksgiving Turkey Fortune: "Why the silence?"

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

"I just don't know what to do with myself in that long stretch after college but before social security."

"Caution! Now entering the margin of error."

'Hello, my name is Death'

What you want in life is sometimes out of reach.

The big life questions that really get us thinking.

'I've turned another corner in my life.' 'One more corner and you'll be back where you started.'

"You know, Mother, they say dead is the new 80."

"See, the problem with doing things to prolong your life is that all the extra years come at the end, when you're old."

'You know the rules, Mr Dotterill - you're only allowed one visitor at a time.'

"I don't think I could fit another slice in...oh, hold on."

"You could try watching your diet or getting more exercise – but you'll just be delaying the inevitable."

'The meaning of life? 'Life' boils down into three categories...you are born...you live awhile....you then die.'

'I've given up on looking for the bluebird of happiness. . . I'd settle for the chicken of contentment!'