Maturity Ponderer T-Shirts

'You are daydreaming all the time. When are you going to mature?'

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

"Were we expecting a baby?"

"I don't know why I worry...Baldo's just a normal boy. It's good to see him maturing...making friends...with nice girls...exploring new feelings...and desires.... You have to go home now."

'And when your mother said that you would never be an Olympic gymnast, how did that make you feel?'

"Hello - I'm from the future..."

Totalitarian Humour

'Hey Mum, look what I caught!'

'I've used up all my eligibilities'

'Mom says she has a souffl

'Soon, you will start to notice changes in your body... massive, horrifying changes.'

'You're due in September, however, since you're not mentally ready, let's make it October!'

"Weeds are like kids. They grow up so fast."

"I needed a gig to tide me over between baby booms."

Sex Education

"Really? After all these years of you begging me to let you come and howl at the moon, now that you're a teenager, it's not cool to be seen with your dad!"

NOT COVID-RELATED tombstone

'Male, 38, still living with his parents. They asked us to keep him overnight, so they could change the locks.'

'WOW, congratulations, Ma'am! You're having Quads!'

Truth

'It's not that I don't want more kids Victoria, I'm worried I won't have enough skin for their names.'

'When are you going to take it out of its original package?'

'Ted, you won't climb the corporate ladder if you keep taking paternity leave!'

'Well, great! I raise you to be a vicious bird of prey, and you wanna be a songbird!'

"it's just... we're too lazy to have any of our own."

"The fact that you're here means you will continue to make poor life decisions."

"You'll find they stay pretty needy 'til about 300 months."

"I'm basically happy but I'd like a most cost-effective personality."

"Forget the future, tell me what happened to the past ten years."

Children.

"I was hoping you'd have outgrown that by now."

'Hello, my name is Death'

"Math would have been a 'A' if you factor in the fudge factor. I got caught fudging on the final."

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

"Sergio, you are the best father in the world. Except, you know, when you're not."