Prayer Ponderer Gifts

'You must close your eyes during grace.'

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

'My prayers don't seem to get any feedback.'

"I can't deal with any famines, massacres or epidemics right now - I've got to help some guy sink a foul shot."

"NO I DON'T THINK YOU NEED LEGAL REPRESENTATION WHEN SAYING YOUR PRAYERS."

God's Message Pad

'No, we wouldn't want to ask God's blessing on something evil, but carrots aren't evil.'

God answers what He thought were worldwide prayers for peas.

2019 blessings

"Would you please knock off the boooring chant?!!"

"Heaven is currently unattended, if you wish to leave your prayers at the sound of the tone...they will be answered."

Why not get God's fax number, and just fax him my prayer?

God answers what He thought were worldwide prayers for peas.

"So that's a 'no', I take it?"

Various Birds of Pray.

'It's nice to put a face with a prayer.'

"Do you ever worry we might be canceling each other out?"

"Each night Lily said her prayers... As the fleas and gnats do bite and gnaw my skin, so shall the worms eat and consume me, in the dirt and dust of the Lord's earth. Amen. And each night her prayers freaked her parents out."

"Things are going well, so I may as well ask: how about those Mets? Ha-ha, just kidding. The tail. Please fix this tail thing."

'He's the best sheepdog I ever had.'

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

'I made a hundred on the Spanish test. Gracias.'

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

"Lord, thank you for guiding me through the whole 'evolution by natural selection' thing."

I know time is an earthly construct, but I still feel sleepy in the afternoons.

'When you invented vegetables, Sir, did you know that my mother would be able to fit them all into one garden?'

'Our top theologians have studied the issue, Your Majesty, and they agree that you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.'

'Congratulations, you've got the job. Unfortunately though, you'll be constantly late, and we'll fire you in two months.'

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'I say we try it.'

"I'll have dessert first."

"It is just as the Oracle foretold!"

The Vatican's undercover mission to Antarctica, and some endangered penguins.

'Just one God? - But won't he be outnumbered?'

'Confusionism'