Prophet Ponderer Gifts

'Stay away from that guy - there's no profit in prophets.'

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

'He's the best sheepdog I ever had.'

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

'Please take your receipt!'

The Vatican's undercover mission to Antarctica, and some endangered penguins.

'I say we try it.'

"I'll have dessert first."

'Congratulations, you've got the job. Unfortunately though, you'll be constantly late, and we'll fire you in two months.'

"It is just as the Oracle foretold!"

'I believe there's an unseen hand behind everything we do.'

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

'Just one God? - But won't he be outnumbered?'

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

Credulity, Superstition and Fanaticism.

'What did He do before he was God?'

'You'll be going on a long journey this Christmas.'

Jesus wept

Why not get God's fax number, and just fax him my prayer?

'The hardest part of being a street crazy is picking each day's sign.'

God answers what He thought were worldwide prayers for peas.

'He's always looking for an argument!'

The End is Near.

"NO I DON'T THINK YOU NEED LEGAL REPRESENTATION WHEN SAYING YOUR PRAYERS."

'We have a strict dress code. Can't let you in without a straightjacket and tie.'

"He keeps watching over our flock. I think it's a stalker."

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

'What do they mean 'is borer a beast of the field'?'

"Who has the most power... the president or his wife?"

Biden Workload

"And God said, 'Let there be light.'" "CFL, incandescent or LED?"

A self-filling prophecy.

Various Birds of Pray.