Protestant Ponderer Gifts

John Calvin

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

'He's the best sheepdog I ever had.'

'I made a hundred on the Spanish test. Gracias.'

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

"Lord, thank you for guiding me through the whole 'evolution by natural selection' thing."

'Please take your receipt!'

'When you invented vegetables, Sir, did you know that my mother would be able to fit them all into one garden?'

'Our top theologians have studied the issue, Your Majesty, and they agree that you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.'

The Vatican's undercover mission to Antarctica, and some endangered penguins.

'I say we try it.'

'Congratulations, you've got the job. Unfortunately though, you'll be constantly late, and we'll fire you in two months.'

"I'll have dessert first."

"It is just as the Oracle foretold!"

'I believe there's an unseen hand behind everything we do.'

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

'Just one God? - But won't he be outnumbered?'

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

Credulity, Superstition and Fanaticism.

'The hardest part of being a street crazy is picking each day's sign.'

Why not get God's fax number, and just fax him my prayer?

Tree of Knowledge/Tree of Evolution

God answers what He thought were worldwide prayers for peas.

Fortune teller sees impending doom

'You'll be going on a long journey this Christmas.'

"How long has he been missing?"

'Don't try to deny it, Jehovah - we've got witnesses.'

'He's always looking for an argument!'

"And please let Alan Greenspan accept the things he cannot change, give him the courage to change the things he can and the wisdom to know the difference."

The End is Near.

"NO I DON'T THINK YOU NEED LEGAL REPRESENTATION WHEN SAYING YOUR PRAYERS."

"Well, it certainly explains why everyone's so nice!"

'We have a strict dress code. Can't let you in without a straightjacket and tie.'

"He keeps watching over our flock. I think it's a stalker."

"And God said, 'Let there be light.'" "CFL, incandescent or LED?"