Protestant Ponderer Gifts

John Calvin

'He's the best sheepdog I ever had.'

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

'I made a hundred on the Spanish test. Gracias.'

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

'Please take your receipt!'

"Lord, thank you for guiding me through the whole 'evolution by natural selection' thing."

'When you invented vegetables, Sir, did you know that my mother would be able to fit them all into one garden?'

'Our top theologians have studied the issue, Your Majesty, and they agree that you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.'

"It is just as the Oracle foretold!"

'I say we try it.'

"I'll have dessert first."

The Vatican's undercover mission to Antarctica, and some endangered penguins.

'Congratulations, you've got the job. Unfortunately though, you'll be constantly late, and we'll fire you in two months.'

'I believe there's an unseen hand behind everything we do.'

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

'Just one God? - But won't he be outnumbered?'

Credulity, Superstition and Fanaticism.

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

'He's always looking for an argument!'

Why not get God's fax number, and just fax him my prayer?

"How long has he been missing?"

'The hardest part of being a street crazy is picking each day's sign.'

God answers what He thought were worldwide prayers for peas.

'You'll be going on a long journey this Christmas.'

"And please let Alan Greenspan accept the things he cannot change, give him the courage to change the things he can and the wisdom to know the difference."

The End is Near.

'We have a strict dress code. Can't let you in without a straightjacket and tie.'

"Well, it certainly explains why everyone's so nice!"

"NO I DON'T THINK YOU NEED LEGAL REPRESENTATION WHEN SAYING YOUR PRAYERS."

"He keeps watching over our flock. I think it's a stalker."

Various Birds of Pray.

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'