Friendship Ponderer Gifts

"I have a bad association with people."

"Darling, I think we need to talk about where this relationship is going..." Male evolution.

'...And then, I guess our relationship got TOO meaningful.'

"Look - I'm cold, you're cold. Why don't we settle down and start a family?"

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'

"This may be Malcolm Gladwell talking, but we were married on the wrong day!"

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

"A cluck cluck here and a cluck cluck there,...is that all I meant to you?"

It'll never work - you're LED and I'm plasma.

'You have to do something...My husband just doesn't look at me the way he used to.'

'Confusionism'

'I love your poetry, m'dear - it's very Ezra Poundish.'

"If you were the only man in the world, and I were the only woman. . . would we still have to diet?"

"We're studying the legal principles of 'crossing a heart and hoping to die'."

"Being a celebrated artist, I do sometimes wonder why you never celebrate me."

Meaningful...Meaningless relationships.

"Have you seen my wife?"

'Wow, that was unforgettable.'-'What was?'

"We're taking separate vacations this year."

"Oh Adam. This is the second...sorry, I mean third happiest day of my life."

Soren Kierkegaard

"I hate to break it to you, but you weren't his best friend."

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, I am a 24-year-old man. The woman I am about to marry is having second thoughts because she believes that we are too young. What do you think? - Jacob. Actual reader letter. Great question. When is the right time to marry? Randy, our commitment expert, would you like to handle this one? Jacob, really, what were you expecting?! Medic! Randy's not moving.

"Well, we can eat out, order in, or just sit here and let our bodies slowly gnaw away at our muscle tissue."

'I really like him but I can't bear waiting for THE LUNGE'

"Yes, we know them. We like them, but we're not crazy about, you know, the other him."

Are you honestly trying to play footsie with me? I never mix footsie with honesty.

"Juicy worms?! Oh yes, they're my favourites too..."

"I'm giving love one more try."

"Apropo of nothing, would you still love me if I were a sausage?"

The Awkwardly Informal Meet Up Group

"Do you ever think of getting married?"

Hi, Rudy. What the -- ?! Don't rush me, Uncle Mort. Today's Special. Latte + 1hr web. $12.50. What'd I say? You asked how last night's date went. You wanted to know If we hit it off … If we had a goodnight kiss … if there'll be a second date … If we went for long walks on the beach ... If we're getting serious ... if I've met her parents ... if I've thought of how to propose ... if she's said yes ... if we've moved in together ... if we've discussed giving you grand-nieces and nephews ... All I

Why do you need a girlfriend? Because it's nice to hang out with someone. Why? Because you can do fun stuff. Why? Just because. Oh, why didn't you say so? I think I've had a breakthrough.

"I find it hard to perform in these market conditions."