Engagement Ponderer Gifts

'It's a big step getting married. I need time to think about it - What did you say your name was?'

"Oh, Albert! Is that a real diamond ring? Then, if things don't work out between us, I could pay the divorce lawyer with it."

"Darling, I think we need to talk about where this relationship is going..." Male evolution.

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

'...And then, I guess our relationship got TOO meaningful.'

"Look - I'm cold, you're cold. Why don't we settle down and start a family?"

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

"This may be Malcolm Gladwell talking, but we were married on the wrong day!"

Max Weber

"A cluck cluck here and a cluck cluck there,...is that all I meant to you?"

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

"It's not that I'm lazy. But I envisage myself not so much climbing the corporate ladder, as taking the corporate elevator."

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

'How worse? Give me the worst-case scenario.'

Telling Self to Buzz Off

Bumper Limos

"Being a celebrated artist, I do sometimes wonder why you never celebrate me."

"We're taking separate vacations this year."

'My dad is pushing me to become an alpha male, but frankly, I'd rather be a poet...'

"We're studying the legal principles of 'crossing a heart and hoping to die'."

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

'Well, that brings us up to my third birthday...'

"Have you seen my wife?"

Meaningful...Meaningless relationships.

That's no big deal, a lot of people get Siskel and Ebert mixed up

"Oh Adam. This is the second...sorry, I mean third happiest day of my life."

Caption Contest TK

"If you were the only man in the world, and I were the only woman. . . would we still have to diet?"

'It's not just his insane jealousy - he also insists on choosing all my clothes.'