Married Life Musings Pillows

'Behind every successful man there's a woman, telling him he isn't successful enough.'

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

"Darling, you never let me see the side of you that pays."

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"When you look at me, Alice, what do you see?"

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

Wanna talk about it?

"Oh, how I wish the season would start!"

Another Filibuster from the Secretary of the Interior of My Car

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

'There's an app you can program to delete your trash? I've had one for years called Dave.'

"George is fluent in two languages. English and total nonsense."

"Remember that, honey? Serious testosterone."

"We'll be single again in Heaven, right?"

'Don't be so sensitive,I only dozed of for a moment.'

"It's only fair. He has a man cave."

"Me? I thought you were raising them."

"Hello darling! - I'm back from the black hole!!"

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"Look, I still fit into the fitted sheet I wore when we met."

"I suggest you read this book....it comes highly recommended by earthlings."

"I'll be on the porch, pushing ninety."

"It's your husband, Mrs. Thompson. He's come unraveled again."

"Can I call you back, I'm engaged in crisis talks."

"We should probably stop calling each other 'Fluffy's person' and 'Fifi's person' and learn each other's real names - now that we're married I mean."

"You call that worrying?"

"The wattle fairy came again last night."

"It's not that we had more fun before we got married --- it's just that now we're having a different kind of fun."